The S.H.I.T.T.S Podcast
The S.H.I.T.T.S Podcast
The Lost Art of Connection: Finding Harmony in Today's Relationships
What happens when relationships break down? What makes them thrive? DJ Monsoon welcomes Brandon Caldwell and Alicia Balark for a raw, unfiltered conversation about modern connection that goes far deeper than typical relationship talk.
The trio dives into what truly constitutes a healthy relationship, with both guests identifying respect and clear boundaries as foundational elements. Brandon eloquently explains how "mutual respect" creates the necessary framework, while Alicia adds nuanced perspective about meeting each other "where we are that day and loving each other through that." Their insights highlight how successful partnerships require both structure and flexibility.
The conversation takes fascinating turns through discussions of generational differences in relationships. Brandon observes that our grandparents didn't have the "accessibility" modern couples do—when problems arose, they couldn't simply swipe to the next option. This prompts a compelling exploration of how technology has fundamentally altered our approach to commitment, creating what Brandon calls a "7-Eleven" dating culture where people discard relationships at the first sign of challenge.
Perhaps the most thought-provoking segment examines masculinity in urban culture, with Brandon delivering an unflinching assessment: "You don't see James Evans Sr. as a man anymore." The guests dissect how limited representations of Black manhood leave younger generations without nuanced role models, creating cycles that affect everything from dating dynamics to parenting approaches. Alicia's perspective as a strong woman navigating these expectations adds valuable dimension to the conversation.
The episode closes with powerful reflections on healing, communication, and finding harmony despite our differences. As Brandon poetically notes, sometimes the simplest gesture—a genuine smile—can "light up the back ends of heaven."
Ready for relationship insights that go beyond surface-level advice? Listen now and join the conversation. Have thoughts or want to be featured on a future episode? Email djmonsoonstaraw@gmail.com to connect.
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Yo yo yo, what up, what up, what up, what up. Y'all this, your boy, dj Monson. What's the rock Coolest catcher heard this far? You're now tuned in to the Shits Podcast. We're either shooting the shit, starting some shit, or picking up what shit left off. So really, in this situation we are definitely picking up what shit left off because I ain't been here in a minute. Y'all Long-ass story. We'll get into it later. I probably ain't going to tell y'all, probably will, I don't fucking know.
Speaker 1:Anyway, we back and this week I got two very special guests to the podcast. Like I always tell y'all, anybody that come on to the podcast is very special, not like radio special like Troubadour and Junior, special shit like that, but special because they got shit to say, they got knowledge and I love having conversations with them. So this week I got my brother, my brother from another mother. I've been knowing this dude for like 10 plus years. Very wise dude, country cat, you know what I'm saying. Down to earth. Put y'all on game. So, without further ado, y'all give it up for my man, the one and only Brandon Caldwell. Yeah, brandon Caldwell, y'all.
Speaker 2:Oh, how you feel, bro, I'm good man. Thanks for the warm intro. I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:No problem. And next up, very special guest. She's very dear to me, sister to me. Very smart, very spiritual, down to earth man love talking to me. Very smart, very spiritual, down to earth man love talking to her. I've been going through some shit at times and she's been right there, so I definitely appreciate it. Y'all give it up for the one, the only, Alicia Baylard aka Miss B.
Speaker 3:Hi, I'm Alicia. How y'all feeling I'm good, cool, cool'm Alicia. How y'all feeling hey y'all, I'm good, cool, cool cool, all right.
Speaker 1:So can y'all hear me Very good, yep, all right. So I always like to do a check-in with the guests and so this week I want to check in with y'all and I want to ask y'all what are y'all? And I want to ask y'all, what are y'all working on? So what I mean by what are y'all working on me like, not like cars and shit like that, but like what are you working on emotionally and mentally?
Speaker 3:okay, who's going first?
Speaker 2:I'm a go first. I'm a Southern boy, ladies first.
Speaker 3:Okay, thank you, I appreciate that. I guess I'm just working on just being self-aware, holding myself accountable, making sure to check in with myself and see how I'm feeling throughout my day, at the end of my day, for sure, and just making sure that I'm good mentally, so I can keep going okay yeah, what about you b?
Speaker 2:you know, dealing with uncertainty, you know, um, and our line of work, you know, is like a box of chocolates you just don't know what flavor you're gonna come up on. So just being able to adapt and be able to adjust the situations as they come in real time, you know, that's what I'm working on.
Speaker 2:Because you know this part of the year is just yeah, you know what I mean Because this part of the year is just really, really, really, really hard for me. You know what I'm saying. So just really focusing in on what I can control and what I can't control, and just trying to be a better person these days. The Lord gave me a day to live. You know what I mean? I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that. So B, where you from. I know it, but the audience don't know it, so I got to ask the question when you from B.
Speaker 2:Originally Chicago, Illinois. Oh, are you asking him or me? Well, that's for, that's for Brian Go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 3:You start it, go ahead. We're adapting to Justin. He calls me B2.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, you go ahead. Well, I'm from the great state of Texas, but we're a third ward which is in Houston and through and through, like your boy Elliot say Texas in every way. But I've been up here now for over 20 years and this is home way. But I've been up here now for over 20 years and this is home.
Speaker 1:Okay, what about you, miss B?
Speaker 3:Originally from Chicago, illinois. I've traveled some of everywhere. I've lived in Indianapolis, I've lived in Michigan. Now I stay in Indiana. I'm an. Indianimal now Well, I want to say congratulations, okay, thank you. It's not Texas, right? Okay, no, it's not Texas, all right.
Speaker 1:So, ms B, how would you describe yourself?
Speaker 3:How would I describe myself? Assertive, I don't want to say aggressive. I can be very, very assertive. That's something that I've actually been working on. Also I think I talked to you about this. I've been trying to be more how did I say it Like in my feminine energy, as opposed to being Sometimes Okay. So I'm a female, I work with men, so I sometimes feel like I have to almost wear this suit of armor when I'm at work Because of the way I look, people going to try you. They either going to try you or they going to think that they can talk to you or you're a super sucker deluxe and I'm none of those things. So I definitely feel like I have to let that be known and that might look like me being aggressive, but really I'm just being assertive and kind of setting a boundary and requiring everybody to meet me there. Does that make sense? That makes sense. That makes sense.
Speaker 1:I mean so it definitely makes sense to make it. I'm glad, and I'm glad you broke it down like that too. Um, brandon, how would you describe yourself?
Speaker 2:Well, I'm, I'm. I'm tall, dark and lovely, and uh, but it's context to that statement though. I'm tall, dark and lovely. But it's context to that statement, though, because when you're tall, dark and lovely, you know you're often reminded you don't live in such a lovely world.
Speaker 2:So people have perceptions of you and you have to really work on how you present yourself, how you express yourself verbally as as non-verbally, because you know I'm over six feet, I'm over 250 pounds. So when you walk into a room, whether you want it, all eyes are on you, whether you want them to be or not. So you have to pay attention to how you present yourself and how you move at all times, because you can find yourself in precarious situations that you never planned for. So that's just something that I work on every day, you know, because if you're watching me, you know it's a daily goal of mine to give you something to look at and what you see. You know you may not be wanting to see it, because it's going to be something that's just way out there. So that's just what I do.
Speaker 1:So when you gave the description of how tall you are on your weight, I believe if Ms B would have saw you, she would describe you as big fella, yeah, big fella, yeah, you sound like a big fella, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know I mean, yeah, you know I'm a big fella, I'm from Texas, things big. So I got to represent yeah, all right, but yeah, you know, like I say, but in doing that, you know what I'm saying. When you're a highly melanated man, you know we live in a world where perception is 90 to 100%, reality is 90 to 100 reality and you know you find yourself in situations where people, all people, really is like oh, this guy, you know, is gonna do something. I remember when I was a kid, my dad used to be like pop, they scared of you, they gonna kill you, and I was like 13, 14 years old and I just didn't understand what he was talking about until I became older.
Speaker 2:So I really, throughout my life, I've just really, really focused in on how I am in every situation. And well, the one thing that I'm always is and John, you can attest to this, when we worked together, I was always respectful and always cool. Cool because because if you let your emotions dictate, a situation and a person is perceiving you in a negative way and they scared, you may trigger them to do something that nobody wants to deal with. So self-discipline is something that I always practice, even when I'm, you know even sleep hygiene, you, you practice discipline in that too, because you have to maintain it in every situation because of what people's perception of you which is out of your control. You know what I mean. That's just something I work on, it is, it is.
Speaker 1:So, speaking of people's perception, let me ask you this. Questions for both of you. What's your perception of a healthy relationship?
Speaker 3:I'll let you go ahead and take that one big fella I mean.
Speaker 2:My perception of a happy relationship is is mutual respect and I think you said healthy, not happy, happy.
Speaker 2:Healthy, happy healthy. To me it falls along those lines Mutual respect, because I feel like as individuals we have to have boundaries and I think that sometimes in unhealthy relationships they're not clear, defined boundaries. So I think in a healthy relationship boundaries is something that's defined, it's discussed and it's honed, you know, because nobody's perfect and it's a journey between the two people and they work with each other to make harmony, because it's just going to be days where things are not going to be so harmonious. So I think if the boundaries are there and boundary can be, uh, uh, used, um, another word I mean can be used for boundaries. So as long as I think that foundation is there, I think that that's the catalyst to a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1:My opinion I like that, I like, I like the way you broke that down. What about you, miss b?
Speaker 3:um, for me I guess it's just to kind of piggyback off what he said. I think for me and I've been in my relationship this time for about 10 years Um, I'm engaged, I'm not married, but it's um, it's like you said, it's the respect thing because, again, I'm I'm not going to be a hundred percent every day, he not going to be a hundred percent every day, sometimes he going to have to be 80 and I'm be, hey, I'm only got 20 to give baby. So it's just us. For me, it's us respecting each other, seeing where we are, meeting each other where we are that day and loving each other through that, whatever that looks like so yeah I I would say respect is definitely gotta be the number one thing in my relationship.
Speaker 3:That keeps it somewhat healthy.
Speaker 1:I guess that makes sense. That makes sense. I like the fact that both of y'all said respect. And I like that Brandon said, the harmonious element of it. Because I think my personal opinion, in this day and age that's kind of hard to define and in this day and age that's kind of hard to define. And when it's hard to define it's definitely hard to recognize Like what is harmony? Like what does harmony look like for you?
Speaker 3:Right because that's like subjective. Right Because it's going to look different for everybody.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And harmony for me is just, you know, being considerate. You know I mean I'm a little things guy. I'm not really a big things guy. I mean if I'm with a partner and she looks at me and she smiles at me or she say thank you or she say I appreciate you, that means a lot more to me than taking me out to a nice restaurant and spending or buy me a pair of $700 shoes. You know what I mean. That just don't mean nothing to me, but the fact that you consider it, you know of my feelings like yo do you want this? You know, if you're out at the store and you'd be like yo B, you want this, you know little stuff like that, that means that carries a lot more weight than me, than the upfront material stuff, the considerate stuff.
Speaker 1:That's a needle mover for me. Okay, so, speaking of harmonious, like harmony and respect, like I think about relationships now, compared to like our grandparents and great-grandparents, what would y'all think if you could to put yourself in their shoes? What would y'all think our grandparents and great-grandparents considered healthy relationships?
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, Ms B.
Speaker 3:For me, okay, well, go ahead, miss b? Um. For for me, uh, my grandparents and my great-grandparents, uh, neither one of my grandmothers were married, so they had their children and did what they did and raised them as strong black women. So I don't really have that point of reference to even you know what I mean. So. So I've always just I've come from a lineage of just strong women that just did what they had to do and push through.
Speaker 3:So for me, being in this space that I'm in now, like I'm, I'm having to learn. You know what I mean Like, like what it means to just, like I was saying in the beginning how, like, sometimes I'm perceived as aggressive or assertive. That's because I've come from a lineage of women who raised men like right, so it's for me. And then my fiance he's this is gonna sound toxic, but he's an alpha male. So I sometimes have to pull back myself and be like whoa, whoa, like chill, you don't gotta be. So you know what I mean. So, honestly, yeah, I wouldn't. I have no point of reference on that one.
Speaker 2:What you got? Big fella. My grandparents, my dad's parents, were married for like almost 60 years and but there was a 20 year age. There was a 20 year age gap too. Like, my grandfather was much more older than my grandmother and I think the difference between our generations and their generations is accessibility. We have more accessibility to luxury, whereas you know, we were more agrarian uh, we were more of an agrarian culture back then.
Speaker 2:So you couldn't have if it got bad at your house. You couldn't just go to your cousin's house down the street, because down the street was like five miles. You know what I'm saying. Or you couldn't just go to the club. You know they only did the juke joints on Friday and Saturday night. So if this is a Tuesday, y'all just got to work that shit out. You know what I'm saying. And in doing that, you learn patience and you learn to grow, and it may be things about a person and a lot of relationships during that time. They got to know each other over time because they courted each other, they dated each other. You know what I'm saying. Well, if I want something, I can just go on social media. It's right there. It's like 7-Eleven, you know what I'm saying, and then, if I don't like it, I can get something else.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:It's different. You know, you can't you know, cause like there are a lot of men raising other men's children, but it was done in secret and everything is like it's out in the open now. You see what I'm saying, and that loyalty and that bond was there, even if your grandfather stepped out and had a kid with another woman. It's like yo, I built this life with this person. I've got to know this person. I grew up with this person. In a way, this person kind of raised me into adulthood, just like I raised them into adulthood. And it's different for us because we have so much accessibility and variety and she is, you know, in my opinion.
Speaker 1:I'm glad you said that, man, because it made me think about the concept of technology, the increase in technology, how it's right there at our hand and it's on our phone. You know what I'm saying. So do you think that the current generation's access to technology has tainted the idea of relationships, kind of like bastardized it? You know what I'm saying. It's like it's not a big thing anymore.
Speaker 2:I agree. Yeah, I mean like dude, like I don't mean to take this to a perverted place, but when we were kids and we found smut or porn, it was like we won the lottery. You know what I'm saying, you ain't laughing, you ain't laughing.
Speaker 2:If you find your daddy or your uncle in a penthouse or Playboy magazine, it was like oh man. Or if you're picking up cans and you find it, oh shit, you invite the whole neighborhood. Now I can just go to fucking Reddit. I can go to goddamn OnlyFans. I can just have Google. It's right there. You know what I'm saying. It ain't no big deal. You know what I'm saying. You got to realize we came into all of this technology, these younger kids, this is all they know.
Speaker 5:You know what I mean, so they are more immune to these types.
Speaker 2:So, like man, seeing a girl with all her cheeks out don't mean I mean hell. You go to school with girls with their cheeks out. You know what I'm saying? It's nothing, so you know. There's no taboo to this shit, no more. It's out there now. It's just a whole different animal. He's still going, go ahead.
Speaker 3:I was just saying I agree with you, because I have a 17-year-old son and he has no interest in dating all this other stuff. He's just like yeah, these girls is trash, people record these girls doing all kinds other stuff like. He's just like, yeah, these girls is trash. Like people record these girls doing all kind of stuff they all on the internet that can that ruins lives. It's just like, yeah, I kind of, yeah, this, this uh generation is kind of fucked as far as relationships go.
Speaker 3:I feel like damn I mean, I mean don't know, that's just what I think me personally, and I don't even mean this generation, I mean like just the dating pool at all anymore. I feel like I don't know how it is in Texas big fella, but up here it's trash. Bro, I live up here with you, I live in.
Speaker 2:Wisconsin, I'm with your neighbor.
Speaker 3:I'm sorry, I thought you were saying Texas.
Speaker 2:No, that's where the seed was shot. That's where big cops shot the seed at.
Speaker 3:I'm in the Midwest, I feel like the dating pool is trash. I feel like all the married people don't want to be married but they don't really know what they want. They kind of sort of know People want to play games. I also feel like a lot of men oh my God, a lot of men like I liked that you from the South, big fella, because I feel like you know how to court a woman, as you said earlier. A lot of these men now I feel like they want you to chase them. They want you to chase them down and date them. And I'm sorry, sir, Do you wear panties too, man?
Speaker 2:it's trash, it's just trash, it's interesting that you bring that up, b. It's interesting that you bring that up, ms B, because it's like we in a culture now since you brought that up about men let's talk about masculinity in our urban culture now. When you since you brought that up about men let's talk about masculinity in our urban culture now. Because you don't see. You don't see James Evans Sr as a man anymore. You see a motherfucker like little YSL Woody and Shamar, or a bloviated loudmouth like Charleston White. You know what I'm saying, but you don't see. And those are the three extremes of masculinity in our urban culture right now.
Speaker 2:You're either a gangster, or you're gay, or you're just a bloviating loudmouth.
Speaker 1:Goddamn. You know what?
Speaker 2:I mean yeah, you know so you and this extrapolates from Charleston White himself you either. You know we are raising two types of men. We're either raising the gangster or we're raising the gay guy, because we have such a low, we have such a low scale when it comes to excellence in urban culture. If a kid wants to go to school, the gangster's gonna beat the shit out of him.
Speaker 3:You're right.
Speaker 2:And then the gangster who beat the shit out of him go to prison and come out like Shamal.
Speaker 1:Oh shit.
Speaker 3:It's a vicious cycle.
Speaker 1:Goddamn yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I was standing. Like you know, we love low-hanging fruit. In our culture Nobody jumps for fruit anymore. It's low-hanging, just grab them. You pick it up off the ground. Now you know what I mean? Damn Right. And it's just like you just don't see no more James Evans Jr anymore or Mr Jefferson from the Jeffersons. You don't see no more James Evans Jr anymore or Mr Jefferson from the Jeffersons. You don't see in the neighborhood. You just don't see men Like. My dad was a working man. He was a manly man but he dressed, fly, kept his hair cut, shaved, he smelled good. You just don't see those examples of masculinity anymore. You see motherfuckers with their drawers out, you know.
Speaker 3:You see YNs and you see, shamar, even the older generation you think too Like, so not so much the teenagers, but like the 30 or the 40 plus.
Speaker 2:We can go into that too, because you know we live in a culture now where nobody wants to be old. You know you got women in their 40s and 50s and 60s. That ain't the new 20. I don't know what you're talking about. You know you got women in their 40s and 50s and 60s. They post just. They post just as many thirst traps as the young girls do now that's a damn good point what he say go ahead, say it again B.
Speaker 2:I say they post just as many thirst traps on social media as the young girls do. You know they wear the same. When we were growing up, your big mama looked like your big mama. Your mama looked like your mama Because after she had her last child, she started spreading like yeast bread. Now everybody got flat stomachs and BBLs and shit. You know what I'm saying. You know you got a 20-something-year-old daughter. Hell, some of these women competing with their 20-something-year-old daughter, they, like sisters, like you, can't tell a difference.
Speaker 3:You right.
Speaker 2:So when you can't differentiate between generations and nobody wants to be old, what you left with what we got? Damn Trashcom. Look at the young kid. I don't know if y'all watched this. This shit went viral because this young kid was talking about Nas and Jim Jones.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:The kid was so disrespectful to Nas, right, really, he's like man Nas. He ain't popping Jim Jones like bro. You don't even know the history or the context of this man's contribution to the culture. No respect, and I feel that comes from you not having figures in your culture to where you can differentiate. Like he really couldn't differentiate between Nas and Jim Jones.
Speaker 2:But me and you and Miss B can differentiate between Michael Jackson and Jim Jones. But me and you and Miss B can differentiate between Michael Jackson and James Brown. That is true, we can differentiate that, right, we can differentiate between them and Shaka Khan and Denise Williams and Beyonce. We can differentiate that. You see what I'm saying. But these young people, because they don't have that. So our culture, man, I think in the last 40 years we've done such a horrible job of adulting as it relates to protecting our children, because when you don't protect your children, they start to protect themselves and they have no boundaries when it comes to respect and we can't really get mad at them because there ain't really much out there showing you how to respect motherfucking raising themselves.
Speaker 1:So let me ask y'all this what do y'all think is the most undervalued element in relationships these days, meaning, what's the element that people don't give a shit about in a relationship?
Speaker 3:I'm happy.
Speaker 2:No, I want to hear this from you, Miss B, first. I'm glad you asked that question, Doc. Yeah, please.
Speaker 3:Repeat the question again.
Speaker 1:What do you think is the most undervalued element in a relationship? What is that element that people feel like, oh, I don't give a fuck about that, like that's not important to me, that's not important in my relationship?
Speaker 3:Oh, shit low-key, shit, shit Low key. It's all important to me, it all go hand in hand. The most undervalued Is it loyalty? Not for me, no, I'm not saying I'm yours I'm saying from the outside, looking in, like just what you mean in general. Yeah, oh, you mean like amongst this did I even say this generation?
Speaker 1:yeah, not this generation, but just what's out there yeah, this day and age, what's the most undervalued element?
Speaker 3:I'm yeah. If that's what we're talking about, then yeah, I would have to say loyalty, because I mean, from my point of view, I get hit on by more married men than I do anything else okay so for me yeah, that's what I'm saying married men than I do anything else.
Speaker 3:For me yeah, that's what I'm saying. You got motherfuckers in these relationships and in these marriages and stuff that don't even seem like they happy. It's like did you just do some shit because you got this lady pregnant and this is what your parents told you to do? It's not given what it's supposed to be given. You know what I'm saying now, like I said, I don't. Like I said, I've been with my fiance for 10 years. I'm not really pushing the institution of marriage because I feel like that's a business anyway. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I love you and you love me and we going to do this. If anything is for financial reasons and for medical reasons, that's the only reason I would really do it. I feel like people are loyal to whatever it is that drives them. I will say that.
Speaker 1:Good point, very good point.
Speaker 3:Whatever it is that drives them, not so much their union, okay.
Speaker 1:What about you?
Speaker 2:I think, value. I think the reason why you know divorce rate is at 80 percent is because I don't think there's not much emphasis on valuing the other person. Like if a person expresses themselves to another person, especially if it's something that they don't like about their partner, a lot of times the partner takes it as an insult and becomes defensive. Don't look at that. And then you have to go into that real slippery area of interpretation. You're insulting me and I think that if a person over a period of time, gets to the point where they don't feel valued, they're going to go somewhere where they are valued, and that goes for men and women. That goes for men and women. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I mean, I feel like that's when couples therapy should come into play. I've done couples before. I'm speaking for myself, like I've been to that point that you're talking about and it's like, okay, I'm saying something, you saying something. We clearly not hearing each other, because I'm saying what I'm saying but you hearing something else and I'm hearing something outside of your mouth. So at that point I feel like if this is something you really want to do and this is something that you're loyal to, you know, I'm saying that's when I would try to bring in a mediator, a non-biased party, to kind of help us navigate that area of whatever we're disagreeing about. But not everybody does that, especially black people, because you know, black people, there's a lot of stigma on therapy, on mental health and all of that.
Speaker 2:So and I also think you spoke up on something.
Speaker 2:You spoke up on something earlier about, you know, um, being being strong, you know. You know being strong and being resilient in, in my opinion, are two different words and sometimes circumstances compel us to be more resilient than we really have the capacity to be. Okay, you know, because we come from cultures where there are a lot of white elephants in the room. We come from cultures where there are a lot of white elephants in the room, you know there's promiscuity, there's child molestation, there's incestual rape, there's rape. You know, there are a lot of things that physical, emotional abuse. All of these white elephants are in the room.
Speaker 2:And we, you know, through culture, you know, we, we, we applied this. You know through culture, you know we applied this. You know this popular label of being strong. But when you have all of this unresolved trauma and then you bring it in, you're producing generations. I mean that's almost like a blueprint for disaster. I'm like how can you do any better when you don't know what you're doing, because you don't even know how you got where you are? You know what I mean Absolutely, and it's a generational thing. It's like two, three, four generations and then coaches, subliminally, are built around that and you know that's what we got today. You know, and to your point and to B's point, go ahead.
Speaker 1:It's interesting that you say that, because I read a quote that said if it still hurts, you're not healed. You see?
Speaker 4:what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So it's kind of like you know we'll say things like we got over it. You know that was years ago or whatever. But when somebody bring it up it still makes you feel a certain type of way. So it's kind of like if you think about it then you're really not fucking healed. You see what I'm saying?
Speaker 3:But I mean, I feel like healing it looks different for everybody, right? So like I was literally just talking to my aunt about something that I'm trying to heal from, and it's like, when this issue comes up again, I still I and this is something that I have talked to and tried to work through in therapy but when this issue does come up, my body still, that that fight or flight is still there, like like it's happening. You know, does that make sense?
Speaker 3:So, but does that mean I'm not healed, but does that mean that I'm not healed?
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, I would say no. I would say no Because, like, I don't know, like, okay, it's kind of like if you get a cut on your arm, right If it's healed up, if a motherfucker, touch it, it ain't going to hurt, no more. You know what I'm saying. It ain't going to hurt, no more. But it's kind of like if you get a cut and you think that motherfucker is healed up, but if somebody put a finger, on that motherfucker then that means that motherfucker
Speaker 5:is healed.
Speaker 2:You see what I'm saying? Yeah, but you also got to look at the phenomenon, too, of gender. Right, we are men, so everything is up front, direct, boom, boom, boom. My mother told me something that really still to this day, fuck my head up. My mom been gone almost two years. She told me something when I was a little boy that really fuck my head up. She said I remember giving birth to all three of y'all and I remember all of the pain that I went through having y'all and I remember all of the pain that I went through having y'all, but when I heard you scream and I heard you cry and your feet kick out, I forgot about all of that pain.
Speaker 2:So I saw the deliverance of life video in health class in high school and I seen that woman vagina expand to 10 centimeters. Bro, because I saw my ass expanding to 10 centimeters and I couldn't deal with that type of excruciating pain. And that was over 30 some years ago, bro. So you have to look at that, that phenomenon, a person who can go through something that is life-threatening and as painful as conceiving life. They can turn it off with the light switch. So how Ms B deals with pain is going to be night and day, different than how me and you deal with pain, because she can compartmentalize that way better than me and you. And I think that's a lot where we're clashing. But that's where we butt hands at, because when you all inflict pain on us, we're giving that feedback to you in real time, to where, as you look at it, like well, shit, you've done something to me, I can just get over it. Yeah, that's because you can expand to 10 centimeters and squeeze a whole human life out of you and experience that type of motherfucking pain and turn it off and be like shit.
Speaker 2:We on to the next one, we anatomically and emotionally. Why is this? You know that shit hurt like a motherfucker. I'm like I'm hurting. I ain't never gave birth and it still hurt me, so it's like you know. So when you go back to the basic tenets of how life is created, you have to start there and then work your way into into real life routines and then you get an understanding why this person don't understand how something is affecting you and vice versa, because we, why you're different. You know what I mean, right. Vice versa, because we wired different. You know what I mean and I think that's the catalyst to why a lot of relationships fail because people, because of that, the way we are anatomically wired, Because of that disconnect, like that disconnect.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you something, but you're hearing something completely different from what I'm telling you about this, and you heard broccoli in a microwave, exactly and vice versa in a microwave, exactly, and vice versa, and vice versa.
Speaker 2:You're like motherfucker, get over it.
Speaker 3:You're like get over it.
Speaker 2:Goddamn, it ain't that big deal. In your mind it's not a big deal, but to that person it's a big deal, and vice versa, and it should just go left. You'd be way in the bushes. You'd be so far away from the concrete you'd never find your way back. You in the forest, you in Lake Michigan, goddamn so do you think so.
Speaker 1:Do y'all think that it's a lack of empathy? Am I saying the word correctly? You know what I'm saying that's part of the problem. Like I hear you. Like you said, ms B. Like like I hear you. Like you said, like you said miss b. Like I hear you, but like you ain't like you listening, but you ain't really fucking hearing me you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:You're not actively listening. You're listening to respond, not listening to really digest and hear what I'm saying. You listening already on the defense, because you you already assuming I'm about to be bitching about something, so you already like oh, I've been there before.
Speaker 1:I've been there before and I have to hold myself accountable, I've been there before.
Speaker 3:I mean, I think we've all been there before, yeah.
Speaker 2:It becomes a competition. Yeah, oh man, it becomes a competition. My feelings more important than yours, fuck you. Mine more important than yours. Now, fuck you that motherfucking mama. Shit, god damn it. Hell, kiss my ass. You know what I mean. But everybody hurt.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, you right, everybody hurt, everybody going through something. For me, I think it helps too that if you have a partner that can communicate or can articulate things, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because for me I'm an over communicator to where my fiance. He an Aquarius. He is stoic, you'd never know nothing was wrong with him. Like a couple weeks ago, somebody passed away and I'm like he was like, oh, I got to go to this funeral. And I'm like, what funeral? And he like telling me about it. I'm like when the fuck did they die? He's like two weeks ago. Oh, okay, so you knew. You just ain't said nothing for two weeks. This man been dead.
Speaker 1:And he like I mean.
Speaker 4:That's just how they handle shit.
Speaker 3:And it's just like okay, well, but I feel like I share. So like when you come home I ask you how your day was and I tell you how my day was, and at no point, and he'd just be like I, just, but it's like I feel like that's where the disconnect comes to. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think yeah, it makes a lot of sense. That also makes me think about the whole concept of emotional intelligence.
Speaker 5:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Everybody is not as emotionally intelligent as the next person, and it makes you think more about empathy, like can you have the empathy for a person who's not emotionally intelligent, and how long can it?
Speaker 3:last. How long? That's the question right there is. How long is that empathy going to last before you get that last nerve? And it's like you know what, Don't worry about it last before you get that last nerve.
Speaker 1:And it's like you know what. Don't worry about it. It's kind of like, Brandon, you were saying earlier about understanding what somebody else, what both of y'all were saying, understanding what somebody else is coming from, but the question is, how long am I supposed to understand this shit? Though? You see what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Right? That's a good question. Yeah, how you feel on Right? That's a good question. How do you feel on that beat? That's a good question.
Speaker 2:John. You know, it's almost like leading back to the point about your partner when you had a funeral to go to. It's like you become desensitized and then you just shut down to it. You know what I mean. Me and John talked about this a couple of months ago, like we started experiencing pure death at 14. So by the time you get your 30s or 40s and somebody dies, it's just like well, yeah, okay.
Speaker 3:That's just a Tuesday.
Speaker 2:You see what I'm saying? Yeah, you know, what I mean.
Speaker 2:So and it's like that in a relationship. It's just like yo man, you say, yo, you know what, I don't like mayonnaise on my sandwich. And after about six months of you fixing the sandwich and you put mayonnaise on every last one of the motherfuckers, you just gonna shut down. You know what I mean? You be like fuck it. Hey man, whatever, you don't want this sandwich. Nah, I ain't hungry, no more, you just go get you some shit on the way home. You know what I'm saying? Like then the person who fixing the sandwich getting mad like damn, I just I'm going out my way to make you, but you ain't making it the way I like it. So, but then, motherfucker, you should eat it anyway and lie. I said you'd rather, you'd rather me lie than tell the truth. Damn, you respect a lot more than you appreciate the truth.
Speaker 3:Damn Goddamn. Well, no, I always want the truth. That don't mean necessarily that I'm going to change overnight, but I at least want to know how you feel.
Speaker 2:Right yeah, but the flip side of that is, as men I don't eat no fucking mayonnaise.
Speaker 3:Why you keep putting mayonnaise on the sandwich? We?
Speaker 2:don't want to deal with the fallout of telling the truth, because shit get weaponized when you tell somebody that is like oh shit, you don't want no mayonnaise, that it's like oh shit, you don't want to weaponize me, you don't want no man night, yeah. I mean yeah Because it's like it's like. It's like it's like now, if you're watching TV or something you know, you feel that bump next to you and shit, and you just told the truth you may not get no bump, that motherfucking night. So now it's like fuck it. She'll be like I'm alive because I want some bump. So we play these, you know, we make these decisions and we play these games with ourselves to the point where we wake up and like damn, I'm still not fulfilled, because even after you get the bump, you still didn't get satisfied, leading up to the bump, and you feel empty because you gave a part of yourself emotionally to somebody you care about and you don't feel like they value what you want. So it just makes the situation more complicated. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Okay, wow, damn, that's deep, that's deep hey, real shit. Okay.
Speaker 1:I feel like, first of all, all I appreciate y'all time. I tell people all the time time is way more valuable than money, because you can't get time back. You can get money back. You got big enough goons you can get your money back, can't get time back. So I definitely appreciate y'all time and I want to say this to y'all, like I really appreciate the fact of who who is on today because, brandon, I've been knowing you for years and you know I think that for people who don't know you like you said, like they see your demeanor Very big dude, you know you said they see your demeanor Very big dude, you know, got some size to him Can be intimidating.
Speaker 1:It's like I wanted you to have an opportunity to speak because I've always felt like you are a very knowledgeable and wise person. You know what I'm saying. And then, with Ms B, like you said, you may come off as assertive to people and you know that can be perceived a certain way, but from the conversations that we've had, I've picked up a lot from you. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:It's like this is a very wise woman, a very spiritual woman as well. So I really wanted to get all y'all well, both of y'all on the podcast just to talk about it. I mean, I feel like it's a longer conversation, but we're kind of short on time and shit like that. So I definitely want to extend my appreciation for y'all for giving me y'all time. No problem, no problem, no problem. Is there anything that y'all want to leave the people with, to let them know Any gems you want to drop on them, or shit like that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, what's that big fella?
Speaker 2:You know, the cheapest and the least time-consuming thing a person can do as it relates to other people is to smile. If you look somebody in the eye and you smile at them, you have no idea how much that will impact their life, their day or life for that matter. And to me, the most precious thing, that, because she didn't do it often, but when she did, it was probably one of the most beautiful spectacles I ever witnessed in my life and that was to see my mother smile and to see melanated women smile, because the way popular culture portrays melanated women, they angry, they mean, but when you all smile, you just. You light up the back ends of heaven and you see the angels just rejoice. Because it's something you all don't do often and it's something we as a culture don't do often. And my challenge to people listening and you know two colleagues just smile more man man, that's the stuff.
Speaker 3:Okay, I like that. Yeah, I think that's a good note to end on. I like that that is.
Speaker 1:That is that what you're gonna. You're gonna add on to that, or you just go oh, I mean.
Speaker 3:Smile more, stay hydrated, you know, uh, use your words, try to communicate, uh, try to articulate, articulate yourself as much as you can and don't, you know, just be going off on people.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 3:Um, I have to remind myself to do that most days too. So, you know, it's a journey, and just be gentle with yourself. That's what I always, every day. I pray and I tell myself. I remind myself to be gentle with myself because it is a journey and today I'm going to be better than I was yesterday, but I still got to give myself that room to okay. Well, if I slip up, you're still good, you can still keep going, it can still be a good day. Your day ain't shit now, just because you had a moment, girl, keep it moving, like you said, smile and go on with your day. That's what's up.
Speaker 1:I definitely appreciate y'all time, I definitely appreciate the conversation and, man, y'all have a very, very, very blessed day. I'll be talking to y'all anyway, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:We got to do this again, bro.
Speaker 3:We are oh, we do big fella, I like big fella. Yeah, likewise, likewise. Oh, we do big fella, I like big fella, likewise, likewise. I like this beat, I like the. Yeah, we got to go out. I got to pick your brain, you are interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, man Definitely Pick the place, and I'm there.
Speaker 1:That's a compliment coming from her, because she's quick to say she don't like people.
Speaker 3:I do. I don't. She don't like people. I do, I don't enjoy people.
Speaker 2:I will say this though and I'm saying this with all the endearment in my heart I would hate to piss in your Kool-Aid.
Speaker 3:You would hate to piss in my Kool-Aid.
Speaker 2:Yes, ma'am, because I would rather walk through a lion's den. I would rather walk through a lion's den. I'd rather walk through a lion's den with three fried pork chops tied to my ass than a piece of your Kool-Aid, charlie. Yeah, you know what I?
Speaker 5:mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'll tell her, alright, thank y'all very much and I'm going to have my toilet. Alright, then, man, y'all be much and I'm going to be having a tall letter.
Speaker 3:All right.
Speaker 2:Y'all be safe.
Speaker 3:You too.
Speaker 4:All right.
Speaker 1:Yo, check it out, y'all. Yo, that was awesome. That was awesome and I think that was a great conversation for us bringing the podcast back after so long. I think relationships are important and I think that we need to pay attention to how we are navigating through these relationships these days. What's important to us, what's not important to us? Are we valuing that other person? You know what I'm saying. So, anyway, I also added this to the podcast. This is the DJ spotlight. So you know, I want to add this. I added this segment to the podcast to give DJs a chance to be showcased, also to showcase good music, music that's not necessarily beat into your brain on mainstream radio. So, as for now, I want y'all to get in tune and check out the DJ Spotlight right here on the Shits Podcast. Y'all, it's the Shits, y'all. It's the Shits y'all.
Speaker 4:It's the Shits y'all. It's the Shits y'all. I know I got, I got attention for you.
Speaker 6:I know. I know you need affection. I got, I got. I got a question for you. If somebody told me, what do you like to do, I'd take all the stars and fall away. What's that for you? If I find out, what do you like? Diamonds I got diamonds and ethos and rubies and things Got those for you. I'm gonna trip to your heart. I'm on a trip to your heart. I'm on a trip to your heart. I'm on a trip to your heart, heart. Don't call it a comeback. I've been here for years.
Speaker 2:I'm rockin' my peers Put songs in fear Makin' the tears rain down like a monsoon. Listen to the beast of comics. Dj Monsoon's the rock. The dopest DJ in Earth does pop. I'm a foreign wreckage shop.
Speaker 5:When I drop these lyrics, that'll make you call the cops. Don't you dare stare this DJ. He murdered us. I'm going to knock you out.
Speaker 5:Come on, I got enough that I could chew a whole bag of rocks, chew an avenue, chew an off-street and off-block, then turn around and do the same damn thing to a soloist, cause Reggie Noble's pissed. I crushed the whole brain frame Cause you couldn't maintain the funk. Then have it rap style for lunch. Y'all. Cause 92, I take a whole crew, give them a punch on the funk, not ballin' their go-to flutes. I show you what type of stuff I'm on. You can't puff or sniff it Because I was born with it. The bocadilla devil hit you with the rap level of ten. The one, two, three. You're pinned. I get action. So everybody jump with your rump Picking like the way the sound pump, pump it in your back trunk and let loose with the juice. When I do rock I'm too hot. Some say I got more juice than Tupac Straight out of Jersey. You heard me, my brother, I'm laughing. Black Time for some black, yeah.
Speaker 6:Y'all ready for this, yeah?
Speaker 1:Y'all ready for this Outro Music Going like a nut, don't be a pup and I let it burn cause dreads ain't funky enough. Watch the smooth lyrics that take place. I got my eyes on you. Let's get it. Thank you, We'll be right back. Thank you. This game on soon to rock. Let's go this DJ. You heard that part.
Speaker 1:They some certified freaks and we know they got good knees. We be fucking your aunties, hey, we be fucking your aunties. Hey, we be fucking your aunties. Hey, she really want me to come and be her boo thang, looking thick as hell at them. Aau games, hotter than a blue flame, ready to do things. Said she wanted to fuck cause she thought I was 2. We'll be little drugs. She take me to the room. Then she come up out the scrub. I treat her like a lady but I fuck her like a thug. Got a bald head, coochie. It ain't looking like a rug. You be in the booth and be doing your rap shit. I be smacking cheeks making sure that she clap shit. Your song's kind of whack so I probably won't clap kid.
Speaker 4:Your auntie is a freak, you know that's no cap, we'll be right back.
Speaker 6:I'm a time fine jury dripping. See you with pickings, with a bunch of chickens. How you clicking. I kept shooting strong notes. As we got close she rock broke. Honey throat smelling like impulse. Your whole shell baby's wicked like Nimrod, caught me like a freshwater straw or may I not be God. Attitude is very rude. Boo Crabby like seafood. It turns me on like Vines to your long rule. They call me Starkey Love. Uncheck the strategy by any means, shirley Temple.
Speaker 6:Course was done by Billie Jean's Black. Mrs America, your name is Erica. Right, true, lazy. I boost Morphe's six shoe Carmel complexion. Breath smelling like cinnamon. Excuse me, honey, don't mean no harm. Turn around again. Goddamn, backyard's banging like a Benz. If I was Jiggy you'd be spotted like Spock McKenzie I'm high put a D in a Howard to sleep. You're boughtin' that bitch been on my mind all week. But uh, back to you, maybelline Queen, let's make a team. You can have anything in this world Except cream. So what you wanna do, what you wanna do, let's go ahead and walk these dogs and represent move. Watch these rap niggas.
Speaker 4:Get all up in your guts, chris. Vanilla Butter, pecan Chocolate Deluxe in your guts, crisp vanilla butter, pecan chocolate deluxe. Even caramel sundaes is getting touched. Let's go get my ice cream, chocolate and salad. Let's go, dj Monsoers to rock. First of his name. Do best in the game. I wanna hear you try the joke. I do, I wanna be next to you. I do, I wanna be next to you. I do, I, I, I do, I. I can't even lie. You're the only one that's on my mind and I can't wait to see you after school. Follow me and we gon' break the rule. I can't even fly. You're the only one that gets me high.
Speaker 1:We go back like no one wants to be hey, and when you see me, you know what it is. It's a break and van. Now I wanna stay. What's with you, I do. What's with you, I do, I do. I just wanna talk with you, talk with you, whatever Talk with you, I, I, I need next to you. I wanna be next to you. I know, yo, what up, what up, what up y'all.
Speaker 1:That was DJ Spotlight and this week it was your truly DJ Monsters to Rock. Yo, djs out there, if you want your 10 to 12-minute mix feature on the DJ Spotlight, on the Shits Podcast DJ, you can email DJ monsoons to raw at gmailcom. Yo, make sure you got, make sure you put your name inside your mix. All that. You know what I'm saying, so people know who you are. Yo.
Speaker 1:I'd like to give a very special shout out to my man, brandon Caldwell, and my girl, alicia Baylark, for tuning in, for being guests on the podcast. They came through, dropped some gems on y'all. Thanks to anybody that has been supporting and downloading the Shits podcast. Like I said, we took a break for a minute, but now we're back. So every week we're going to be dropping a podcast for y'all. If you want to get booked on a podcast, email DJMonsonSteraw at gmailcom. That's DJMonsonSteraw S-T-A-R-A-W at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:I want to leave y'all with this. Everything happens for a reason and the dots will always connect. Just remember that. Try to find the positives in every situation, because there are positives in every situation. I know sometimes it may seem like it's not and it may be very challenging to find them. However, they are there and I'm going to leave you all with this. Make fans, not followers. Followers will get you clout. Fans will get you work. Trust the process. Realize that the only thing that happens overnight Is dreaming and slobbing, and tune in next week. Find us on Apple Podcasts, spotify it's the Shits Podcast, s-h-i-t-t-s Podcast and, for those of you who don't know, the Shits stand for some hip individuals thinking, then speaking, and on that note, I'm out. I'm your boy, dj Monsoon Starah, the coolest cat you heard thus far. Tune in next week. Y'all, I'm out peace.