The S.H.I.T.T.S Podcast
The S.H.I.T.T.S Podcast
Your Attachment Style Is Sabotaging Your Love Life
What if the biggest relationship breakdown in your life became your greatest breakthrough? In this raw and revealing episode, certified Integrated Attachment Theory Coach Brian Power takes us on a journey through the invisible forces that shape our connections with others.
Brian shares his personal story of relationship collapse—complete with a restraining order and temporary separation from his son—that ultimately transformed into healing and reconciliation. With remarkable vulnerability, he explains how childhood abandonment wounds from his father's absence created patterns that sabotaged his adult relationships until he finally confronted them.
The conversation explores the four attachment styles (secure, anxious preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, and fearful avoidant) and how they manifest in everyday relationship behaviors. From checking a partner's phone to appearing emotionally unavailable, these patterns signal deeper wounds begging for attention. The most powerful revelation? The qualities that trigger us most in our partners often mirror our own unhealed trauma.
Through practical exercises and insights, Brian demonstrates how we can reprogram subconscious patterns within 21 days of consistent practice. He breaks down the six core elements needed for healing: addressing wounds, identifying needs, processing emotions, establishing boundaries, improving communication, and changing behaviors.
Whether you're struggling in a current relationship, healing from a past one, or preparing for future connections, this episode offers both compassion and practical tools for transformation. The path forward isn't about finding perfect partners—it's about becoming more whole ourselves so we can create the deep, secure connections we all desire.
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yo, what's up y'all? This, your boy, dj mon Starah, and you are now here at the Shits Podcast. We're either shooting the shit, starting some shit or picking up what shit left off. Ayo, I'd like to thank y'all for tuning in to the Shits Podcast, where we're some hip individuals thinking then speaking. So this week on the podcast, I have a very special guest to the podcast and I'm very, very interested in hearing what this gentleman has to talk about, because I feel like in this day and age, relationships are kind of hard to manage. I think they're hard to start and I think they're hard to manage. I think they're hard to start and I think they're hard to manage. Definitely, and I believe this is a person that can shed some light on why people act the way that they act and kind of give us some tips on maintaining relationships. So, without further ado, I want to give it up for Certified, a Certified Integrated Attachment Theory Coach. He's going for a certified integrated attachment theory coach.
Speaker 1:He's going to explain what all that means when he comes on, y'all Give it up for my man, Brian Power, y'all.
Speaker 2:How you doing, guys.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me. Hey, Brian, How's it going?
Speaker 2:man, good man, thanks for having me on the show tonight, excited to be here and share my story and hopefully we can help some people have better relationships, some better relationships tonight yes, sir, yes sir, thank you for coming on.
Speaker 1:So, um, on the podcast, I always like to do, uh, what I call a check-in, um. But I like to ask the question um, what are you working on this week? So like, sometimes when I ask people that question, like they say they're working on an album, they say they're working on a book. So like, sometimes when I ask people that question, like they said they're working on an album, they said they're working on a book. But I like, when I ask people that question, I mean, like, what are you working on internally, like mentally, emotionally? So what are you working on this?
Speaker 2:week. Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. I love it and I guess for me it's practicing more self-control and just continue to learn how to really become more and more disciplined. You know I'm very big on learning how to be self-disciplined and as I get older and older and strive in life, I definitely try to practice that more and more. So I feel like I can always improve on that area. And so, yeah, a little bit more self-discipline this week is something I'm shooting for.
Speaker 1:OK, ok, that's good, something I'm shooting for, okay, okay, that's good. I think, uh, you want to have something in common, because I was just saying that I need to become more disciplined as far as my time and, uh, my managing my time and decluttering my space, um, so, like the office that I work out of, um, if, if it's not a certain way, it can kind of mess with you. Yeah, so I have to work on that. Yeah, where are you from?
Speaker 2:Originally I'm from New Jersey, just outside New York City, and then I spent most of my adult life in Florida, though, but I've been living in the Boston area I'm a little bit north of Boston here for like the last five years.
Speaker 1:OK, ok, so you said her New Jersey, her Florida and her Boston. So which out of those three places, which one do you think had the most impact on you?
Speaker 2:Well, I grew up in New Jersey. I guess so that had a lot of impact on me, but I was fortunate enough to leave New Jersey. I guess so that had a lot of impact on me, but I was fortunate enough to leave New Jersey in my early 20s. I always say Jersey is a good place to be from.
Speaker 1:Okay, oh wow, I've never heard that before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not a big fan of Jersey, so I was happy to get out of there. I spent most of my adult life in South Florida, which I really love. South Florida A lot of sun, always outside, you know can go to the beach anytime, did a lot of deep sea fishing. I was in the fitness industry for almost 20 years so I really had my own fitness studio down there and just enjoyed working out, you know, and just hanging around and being outside all the time. It's a great place. When you're younger, you know to be in Florida because you really have great weather pretty much year round. So but I do love Boston too. Boston's an interesting area. Love, love new England. It's beautiful up here, offers a completely different lifestyle, for sure. So I'm still getting used to it a little bit. But I would say Florida has been my favorite place to live. But I do like Boston. I definitely don't like Jersey.
Speaker 1:Oh, you made that very clear. No thanks, you can't. You can that very clear.
Speaker 2:New Jersey uh-uh, you made that very clear. No thanks, you can't pay me to go back.
Speaker 3:Oh wow. Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:I got friends there and some family still. I visit occasionally, but it's not my favorite place. Want to get right into it, man, because when, when I was reading up on, uh, integrated attachment theory, can you kind of give, pre give the, the people understanding of of what, of what that is?
Speaker 2:yeah. So, uh, I came across integrated attachment theory last year when my my wife and I had some really crazy stuff going down and um. But integrated attachment theory is. It's a. It's a program created by a woman named Thais Gibson out of Canada, and what she did was she developed six core elements of the integrated attachment theory to begin to heal relationships and begin to heal our attachment styles. Attachment theory has been around since like the 1970s and what that is is really it's a theory about how we actually attach within relationships and essentially to that program there's really four major attachment styles. You have a secure attachment style.
Speaker 2:That's somebody who really has their emotions under control, know how to communicate well, know how to be really emotionally balanced, really kind of have it together. You know, unfortunately, most of us aren't going to fall in that category. I would say predominantly. Most of us are going to fall in the other three categories, which are unhealthy categories. Because of our own childhood wounds and some of the issues that we brought up with, our perspective is now a little bit distorted and we tend to have problems because of that. So you have what's called an anxious preoccupied.
Speaker 2:These people are very, very relationship oriented, really love being in relationships really crave connection. They're usually a lot of fun, pretty good to be around, good people type of thing, but sometimes they just put too much emphasis on connection relationships with your spouse maybe, relationships with their friends and stuff like that. So and they can sometimes be people pleasers maybe, you know almost codependent type of thing. So it's really unhealthy. On the flip side of that, you have somebody who's called the dismissive avoidant. These people typically like a lot of space. They really have a hard time getting in touch with their emotions, you know just really. You know really fear being trapped. They really fear being in, you know commitment. So that's another kind of totally opposite almost side of that, and a lot of times those two you know behaviors, those two unhealthy, you know attachment styles will actually end up together because they kind of you know, they're kind of looking for the other side of them, that they're missing themselves. A lot of times they get into relationships and that can cause a lot of problems though, and that's why a lot of times, these relationships ultimately, you know, struggle.
Speaker 2:Last but not least is what's called a fearful avoidant. That fearful avoidant will swing between both the anxious side and the and the dismissive side, and so they tend to be a little bit more erratic, a little bit more all over the place. Maybe one week they're kind of cool, the relationship's going good, but then next week, they, you know, their fear comes up, their fear of being, um, betrayed. Betrayal is a big wound for them. So a lot of times that fear of betrayal or something will come up and they'll maybe start to pull away, sometimes even break up with you out of nowhere, just out of the blue, like something's just seemingly crazy.
Speaker 2:But yeah, all these things really come from our wounds and unfortunately, we've come through different things in our lives and we found these different perspective and coping mechanisms that helped us get through predominantly our childhood, but it helped us survive at one point in time. But now that we're adults we carry those wounds into our adult lives and we try to have these relationships and those wounds are playing out in ways that are causing some real problems and ultimately destroying relationships, and what could be a good, loving, kind, you know relationship is now, you know, going down the shitter, if you will yeah, you know and ultimately being destroyed, and it's really sad.
Speaker 2:I always say it's, it's really. There's nothing worse in life than losing the person you love simply because you don't have the tools necessary to keep them. And unfortunately for most of us, you know, including myself, I just wasn't born with the, you know, wasn't raised with the tools. Nobody showed me how to have these types of relationships and I had to learn the hard way over time. And I'm, you know, older guy now I'm like 56 and it took 56 years to just kind of even get to a point where I am today, where I can have a pretty healthy relationship. But unfortunately, I left a lot of trail, you know, a lot of bad behind me, you know. And so my goal is now just that I want to share this message because I'm just hoping we can help some people have better relationships. Man, I want to help people today and that's my, that's my mission. So I'm excited to be here and, you know, again, hopefully you can help some people.
Speaker 1:I should say when do you think was your breakthrough moment where you were like man, I got some issues here and you know it just really made you come to terms with that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, man, that's been a long process Like I came through. I'm a child of the 70s, so my mom was 60 at 21 years old in 1969. My mom was 21 years old, my brother was already around. My father was addicted to drugs, so he battled addiction and so my parents split when I was born and so I was raised in this really chaotic, crazy environment. My parents my mom moved around a lot just trying to pay the bills and stuff. So I developed a pretty distorted view of relationships and had no idea really how to do anything in that regard. And so, you know, there I was struggling through my young childhood, young teens, 20, started to date, trying to figure it all out. I knew there were problems. I knew there were problems early. I just I just had no idea really what to do. And back then you know I'm talking like you know when I started dating with like the late eighties, we didn't have access to a lot of the stuff that I think is out there today.
Speaker 2:You know we didn't have these we didn't have these great podcasts and stuff like you're doing here. You know, there wasn't the opportunity. There was a couple of books you can maybe read, you know, and eventually, once, once every 10 years, some book would come out where everybody'd be like, oh, you got to read this book, and those were helpful. But I don't that we have today. But you know, it really came to head for me in 2024 when, when my wife and I really just went from what I thought was a pretty good relationship to, you know, all out emotional turmoil which ultimately would lead to, you know, a breakup and a restraining order against me, which I was, you know, which is crazy. I mean I was just like, wow, what is going on? This is, this is crazy. But what I learned through all that was it really was had a lot to do with our childhood wounds and I came again through a pretty dysfunctional childhood.
Speaker 2:My wife also came through a very abusive childhood as well just a lot of dysfunctional military childhood yeah you know, she was family of military, but they were just dysfunctional, had a lot of issues, and so she was raised, her father was extremely abusive and so she carried a lot of those wounds too, and so ultimately, ultimately, it would just crash, you know, it would just kind of, you know, those wounds would come out as they do in our lives and ultimately kind of destroyed our relationship for for a period of time. But through all that we were able to kind of recognize some real problems were going on and that was really the awareness, you know, for me more than anything is. You know for me more than anything is, you know, I had all these abandonment wounds from my childhood, a lot of, you know, feeling like I wasn't good enough, uh, you know, never felt safe, you know, feeling unsafe and stuff like that. So, um, all those wounds just played out and crashed and we just became, you know, we were just kind of like button heads because we didn't have the tools. You know we didn't understand the other side, we didn't, yeah, you know, couldn't relate and so so that that was just crazy.
Speaker 2:But I was fortunate enough to come across the integrated attachment theory, which began to make some sense to me and I started to see some answers and that gave me a lot of hope. So I really just delved into that work, even though the relationship kind of crashed and ultimately, you know, june of 2024, the relationship, you know, crashed, with the restraining on everything. But I was already I already aware of the integrated attachment theory program and I just decided I was going to learn this stuff because I wanted to fix what was going on with me. I wanted to be able to have a good relationship with somebody. I didn't think it was going to be my wife anymore. I thought that was over, but I just wanted to fix it. So I was happy to do the work.
Speaker 1:So you said something that that really stuck out to me.
Speaker 1:One of them is you said have having a relationship with you, uh, and I think that, uh, I think that's that's uh, that that's very, that's very important, because sometimes I feel like, uh, when people do go through do like well breakups, divorces or, whatever the case may be, separations, it seemed like they always focused on the other person you know what I'm saying and it's like so much focuses on what they did wrong and it's like, man, you got to realize like at this point in time, you really should be doing the work on yourself. When I went to therapy, one of the most powerful questions it's gonna it's gonna seem very simple. One of the most powerful questions a therapist ever asked me was how was your childhood? And it was like, once she asked me that so much stuff started to pile out. So I listened to you when you talk about how you grew up and your dad was on drugs and the stuff that your mom had to go through, and I didn't. I didn't think about how that childhood affected me until that person asked me that question how was your childhood?
Speaker 1:You?
Speaker 1:know, and I, and I think, as as as older people, I think sometimes we just block that shit out. You know what I'm saying? Like that's the past. Like why are we dwelling on the past? But it's like that plays a huge part in the person you are today. Huge.
Speaker 2:My God, there's so much we can unpack right there. My friend, like you, are spot on with that. A couple of things that I learned through all this is number one how powerful the subconscious is and that 95 to 97% of our decisions in life are really made by the subconscious. So that was. That was a powerful thing that I learned, and then you know to understand that you know a lot of our childhood.
Speaker 2:A lot of our wounds really come from our childhood. The first seven years of a child's life are extremely vital and obviously, like I, came from some really dysfunctional stuff. But the truth is we all deal with wounds. Even if you came from a reasonably healthy family life where you had two parents, maybe both people were working pretty balanced emotionally and everything. But sometimes those parents still have to go to work, they still have to do certain things in their life and a child looks at everything as if it's their fault, or so let's just say those parents decide, hey, we got to both go to work to pay the bills, and they leave that kid with, you know, a grandmother or somebody else. That child may still feel abandoned, right, and so that that cut. Yeah, dude, how crazy is that they can still develop these wounds. Now hopefully, you know, with good parenting and certain amount of, you know, stability in life, they'll kind of learn how to work through those wounds and become a little bit more balanced. But sometimes people come from really balanced, good childhoods and still don't understand why they're struggling with all this stuff. But a lot of this really does come from the wounds from our child.
Speaker 2:I love Gabby Mate. He's a childhood trauma specialist and he says trauma isn't just what happens to the child but also what doesn't happen to the child. So let's just say a child is crying out for safety, security, and those parents aren't there. They're just not there to provide that. Let's say they're maybe in the other room or maybe they're at work or whatever it might be right. That child doesn't know anything other than it's been abandoned, it's not getting its needs met, it doesn't feel safe, and so a lot of times they just develop these trauma responses again, even sometimes in very healthy childhood, you know childhoods.
Speaker 2:But yeah, and then all that stuff, just, you know, it's like a little tape, subconscious tapes that play in our brain. And then, yeah, as adults we don't realize it, we're not aware of it, we just think it's normal. You know, we just think that's life, that's just the way this works, you know, right, right, and the truth. And the truth is it's a lot of times it's just extremely dysfunctional, and we don't realize it, though, and that's the problem.
Speaker 2:So it's very important that we become more aware of it and we maybe start to see the pattern really get in tune with our emotions and some of those things that are going on internally, so that we can say wait a second, why am I feeling so emotional over something that really shouldn't bother me? Right, right, and emotions are really. You know, there's nothing wrong with emotions. Emotions, anger, frustration, all that that's okay. What we have to do is use that as information and to say, okay, well, why am I acting? Why am I feeling this way?
Speaker 2:What are my thoughts are causing me to feel this way? Because it's our thoughts that really cause our emotions. Beliefs need for thoughts. Our thoughts lead to our emotions, and our emotions will ultimately lead to our actions. So we have to really begin to, you know, understand that process and, you know, wind it back a little bit, grasp it a little bit better, understand it, and then fix it a little bit and start to say wait a second. Okay, is that really healthy Good thinking? Maybe I need to figure out different ways to kind of, you know, think and retrain the subconscious. Really, it's really about getting into those core wounds and there are some exercises that can help you begin to, you know, reprogram some of the subconscious wounds, if you will.
Speaker 1:So, before I want to get into the core wounds, yeah, and how can you? I don't necessarily want to say fix them, because I don't think we tend to fix anybody I think we, we try to give people the tools to help you deal with it. You know I'm saying yeah. Um, I I do think about this because my my friend trying. He always says it seems like nowadays, when it comes to dating, we're we're paying for the sins of a woman's father uh, a woman's father and and boyfriends, and then, like women are paying for the sins of a man's mother and past girlfriends, and it's kind of like. So when you said, when you spoke about the core wounds, it is very interesting. So like, how do you, how do you feel we, we can start to, like I said, I don't necessarily say we can fix them, but what, manage them? Or whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, there, first of all, you have to become aware of them right and start to again using that, you know, generally using your emotions to start to ask yourself why am I truly feeling this way? And start to get in tune with that, which takes a little practice, but once we start to do that, we can start to realize oh, wait a second, I'm thinking, I'm feeling, you know, I feel like I'm abandoned, or I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like, um, you know, again I'm feeling, you know, I feel like I'm abandoned, or I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like you know, again, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Or, you know, somebody doesn't like me because I'm unworthy. Or or maybe I'm feeling trapped hey, this person is too, too nice to me. Maybe they're there. I feel like they're going to trap me, they're trying to trick me, trap me. All these things go through our brains. Things go through our brains and it's so. It's so. It's just so subconscious that we began, because, especially if we have some really dysfunctional child, that can really just be distorted subconscious. You know the way we perceive that, that information, if you will. So we have to learn how to kind of get in tune with that a little bit.
Speaker 2:There are some exercises that can begin to reprogram the trauma, if you will. You know that those wounds, a lot of these wounds, occur from repetition and emotion. So those are the two things that really cause us to have deep, embedded, you know, wounds. For me it was like a fear of abandonment. Well, why would I be a band? Why do I have a fear of abandonment? Because my father was in and out of my life constantly through my childhood and I was a. I was a daddy's boy, like I love my daddy, right so. But every time he'd come in I'd get close to him and then boom, he'd be gone Right and then. So I'm left feeling like, oh, you know, I'm not good enough, my dad's leaving me because it's me, my fault, all that stuff. So you know, I have this subconscious wound from all that. But again, I have to, I can learn how to reprogram it a little bit. There are some, you you know. And so my wife yeah, my wife was fortunate enough to go to a really good specialist who dealt with childhood trauma. That's, you know, was a client of hers, a friend of hers, if you will, and I was able to provide her some therapy that really, you know, delved into the core wounds and that childhood trauma and really helped her a lot in that regard.
Speaker 2:So for me, I was able to come across the integrated attachment theory program, which helped me understand it a lot. I began to do some of the exercises, I began to learn about the six core elements of that program, which are number one, your core wounds. Number two, your needs. Number three, your emotions. Number four, boundaries. Number five, our communication and number six, our behaviors. Okay, so if we can work on all six of those elements of ourselves and our relationships, it really begins to change the dynamics for any relationship. Number one, the relationship to myself, but then that relationship to myself begins to spill over into my relationship with my spouse, my friends, my family. It's a really great amount of really great tools that you can use and begin to use for any relationship that you have with anybody.
Speaker 2:So so what are? Can you? Can you give one exercise where maybe we just go into a room and we're not going to, like, obviously, start chatting it up with every single person, but maybe we just start the first week by smiling at everybody, right, and just give a smile, give a smile, give a smile, right. Maybe that's the first week, maybe the second week we decide to wave and smile and maybe even say hi and smile, ok, so that can slowly begin to change our behaviors a little bit and begin to reprogram a little bit. That's called the lytics, but then we can progress with that Right.
Speaker 2:And so now, once they get comfortable with that, we're able to say, hey, now you're comfortable with smiling, saying hi, now we're going to, you know, ask a question. We're going to say, hey, how is your day? So? So, just little things like that. But that's one thing. But there's another one that where we can actually, you know, start our day first thing in the morning, or end our day, you know, at night, before we go to sleep, and it's about a 10 to 50 minute exercise where we can actually begin to, you know, think about what we're, you know what our wound is, and then we can, you know, develop it in the, in the positive form.
Speaker 2:So, um, we never want to say double negative.
Speaker 2:So it's not like, um, I'm not, you know, if I, if I, let's just say I have a wound, of saying I'm not good enough, right, I want to be. I want to be able to say I am, I am very good at what I do, or I'm very good because I wake up every day and I go to work and I I'm very good because I, you know, I'm able to handle my business, or I'm very good because I'm kind and I'm gentle, or I'm, you know, honest, or something. So we, we begin to reprogram and we want to visualize ourselves doing that, though. So what we do is we tell ourselves that, but we also visualize ourselves in the process, because it's it works off visualization as well, and we want to, and we want to try to feel that emotion while we're doing it. So I want to feel myself being good enough. I want to feel myself, you know, being in a positive way, so that it begins to start to settle. You know said in my brain that you know what I actually am?
Speaker 2:pretty good, I actually am I am that thing, you know, and this just takes a little time, but you can actually begin to really do it within 21 days. You can really see a major difference. And sometimes some of the deeper wounds may take 61 days and that sometimes again we can go back and repeat these things, but literally within 21 days you can see a pretty dramatic change. If you can do it consistently and you do it properly, for about 10 to 15 minutes every morning or at night before you go to bed, those are some of the best times to do it, because that's when the brain is receptive, you know, to what we're doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, okay, so I know you spoke earlier. You said it was four different styles Secure, anxious attachment, dismissive, avoidant.
Speaker 2:We call it fearful avoidant, or some people call it disorganized attachment style, but we call it fearful avoidant. So that's the one that kind of swings really between anxious and dismissive. They really kind of all over the board. Quite often will come from a dysfunctional family, kind of like my own maybe, where there was a little bit more chaos, a little bit more, you know, a little bit more craziness, because there's a lot more to figure out. A lot of times anxious people will come from you know, pretty healthy family maybe. But again, there was some times where they would be abandoned. There was some times where you know they did get their needs met, but then you know sometimes that parent would pull away for whatever reason, whether it was something and you know something that was legit and just normal, or whether it was some reason where you know it was maybe dysfunctional, where they were going out and doing things and abandoning the kid. You know for times where they shouldn't be abandoned, type of thing. But and then the dismissive times.
Speaker 2:You know a lot of times dismissive awareness, we're probably told you know, hey, listen, you know a kid, you're feeling emotional. Why don't you go to your room and deal with that? You know, like we don't. We don't deal with emotions here. You deal with that. Yeah, you deal with that stuff on your own. So they grew up believing, you know, that the emotions are bad, you know, and that if you are emotional you handle them yourself. We don't talk about that, we don't communicate that stuff Like we just internalize all that. And you know a lot of guys are going to be like that. Right, I think a lot of guys tend to have that type of thought is, you know, not emotional? I'm a man. I got to swallow these things myself. But the truth is we're just. We're just we're hurting ourselves when we do it that way.
Speaker 2:So these are all three are dysfunctional. None of them are good. A lot of times, dismissive avoidance will get really bad. You know a lot of people online will just, you know, really beat up the dismissive avoidance because they can be pretty hurtful in ways, are just really bad, you know. But I've learned to accept them because I understand that. You know what they're just. They're just dealing with it the different way. You know they're just wounded too. You know they've learned a different way of how to handle their, their emotions, and how to deal with that and cope with it, and and they're just as they're in as much pain as everybody else. You know, the truth is, all three of these attachment styles are internally. They're feeling a lot of pain, there's a lot of hurt in there and it sucks. It sucks, man. It's not a great way to go.
Speaker 2:So, you know, I want to help people get to where my wife and I are today and, you know, things are like a thousand times better between us than we had a year ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, we went from total chaos and dysfunctional emotional baggage and all the little fights and new stuff that was going on for the first, you know, for a couple of years there, and then we hit that end, though, which was like the worst thing in the world, but the truth is that turned out to be the blessing, that turned out to be the greatest thing that ever happened to us, because we were able to work through that, do the work, get some awareness, get some understanding and come out on the other side with tools. Now we have a lot more awarenesses, we know how to communicate differently. We know how to treat each other differently. We just have such an incredible connection now that we never had before. We had a good connection before, but now it's like a thousand times better, and when you get to that side, it's pretty awesome, because I think we all want connection.
Speaker 2:At the end of the day, we want somebody that we can really love and loves us back. Right, we both want that, you know we want. We want somebody special that we can share our lives with. But how do we do that? And that's the problem. A lot of times we just don't have these tools, man, and what was?
Speaker 1:if you don't mind me asking what was the hardest thing that you had to deal with during that time with the restraining order. It was all hard. Let me tell you, like you know, from start to finish this whole thing was crazy and tough.
Speaker 2:The first thing that happened, though, is I had to number one. I had to accept that I had issues, right, we talked about that before. First thing that happened, though, is I had to number one. I had to accept that I had issues, right, we talked about that before. You know, I had to look at myself and stop blaming my wife for everything, because when she challenged me to see a therapist, you know, I said okay, I'll go see a therapist, but I was like I need you to see a therapist, because she was thinking it's all my shit, and I and I knew it was all her shit, right so, but the truth is. The truth is we both have our own shit, and we have to. We have to deal with our own shit, and so, yeah, once the restraining order happened, man, I was, I was a mess, because I had nowhere to go here in Boston.
Speaker 2:I didn't really have a whole big network of friends and family up here. I was going to run back to Florida and just kind of start my life back over there, but I had a buddy who challenged me. He said man, you, you know, your father abandoned you as a child. He said my father abandoned me as a child. He said look at the crap we're dealing with now as adults. He said you cannot leave your son up there. And, man, I said you're right. I said I can't abandon my son. So I stayed here, number one for my son. I didn't stay here to you know, get my girl back, or anything like that. I didn't want to pass on this, you know, to my son. He deserved better. He deserved better.
Speaker 2:And so that was the first fight and um, but luckily enough, I was able to find a friend of mine, uh, within about a week, uh, who happened to have a spare bedroom and was able to put me up at his place for a little while. Turns out, he was dealing with a divorce and he was. He was really being, you know, he was really dealing with it horribly, you know he was. He was literally drinking, uh, you know, a handle a day, you know, type of thing Like, yeah, man, he was bad and so. But I was able to help him out. I was focused on really getting my act together and moving forward with my life and I was going to use this for good. So I was learning all the different stuff and I was able to kind of share that with him and you know he credits me with basically saving, know, helped each other through this incredible, horrible time at the end of this thing.
Speaker 2:You know, um, when my wife did it and I did get back together, he would actually have a, uh, a collapse in his kitchen. Uh, we actually got, we actually got thrown out. About a week after I got the restraining order off, we got evicted from our apartment because he wasn't paying the bills, and so I was like Whoa, what the hell's going on here? So, uh, we got evicted out of the house. The next day he wound up collapsing in his kitchen, um, and almost died from alcohol poisoning and literally was told if you ever have another sip of alcohol, uh, you're going to die. And so he's been completely sober for a year now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is great.
Speaker 2:Again, another blessing. You know, one of those things that just turned out to be pretty good. But Again, another blessing, one of those things that just turned out to be pretty good. But it was a crazy situation and the entire time was tough. Ok, none of it was good.
Speaker 2:The thing that, the thing that helped me the most, is I was really doing this stuff to let my wife go. I wasn't trying to get her back and you know we were forced to do what's called no contact. Right, and so no contact was the best thing for our relationship, because we couldn't talk to each other. The only thing I could do was focus on me, focus on healing, letting time pass, dealing with all that stuff, um, and hoping for the best. I I never thought I'd get her back. I was just trying to let it all go and be like happy with. You know, whatever happens to her, I wanted her to have a good life. You know she's a mother of my child, so I didn't want to wish ill will on her. You know I was like, if she does end up with somebody else, I hope it's a good dude, I hope it's a good guy. You know I didn't want to. You know I didn't want to see my son be raised by some, you know, jerk, if you will.
Speaker 2:So but yeah, I was able to finally let her go and then, little by little, you know, things came back around. I mean, I literally couldn't see my son for not being able to. Yeah, it was just a big disaster, man, but it all came because I was emotionally messed up and I remember at one point, my, my ex-girlfriend, who I'm good friends with, you know, we were talking and she said, she literally said to me one day she says, brian, you sound like a drug addict. And I realized at that point I was. I said, you're right, I feel like one. You know, the relationship had become an addiction. My safety, my security, everything was wrapped up in this whole, you know and I didn't want to.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to abandon my kid. Like I, my biggest fear was to not raise my kid with a family. You know, like to have that turmoil that I went through, and so trying to keep the relationship together was like a top priority for me. But so when it all crashed, man, I was just like, wow, this is, this is like the worst, the biggest nightmare. You know, it's like the worst case scenario for me.
Speaker 2:But little by little again, I just put my head down and that's the thing is like you have to take ownership of our own shit and we have to be able to look at ourselves and say I have issues, man, I need to work on myself. It's not about that other person. They have their own stuff. You know, we got to deal with ourselves. And then how do I that honestly, and so I can become a different, better man, because at the end of the day, I need to bring out, you know, the best in me. I can't blame the other person for how I act. I'm responsible for my actions, they're responsible for their actions, and that's just the way it is. Um, yeah, I can't blame, I can't point the finger anymore. So that's, that's pretty much what I learned.
Speaker 1:Wow, um, yeah, for sharing all that man um did you, um, did you did you date while you guys were, I mean I don't know if I should ask.
Speaker 2:No, it's okay, it's actually, it's a great question did you date while you were my?
Speaker 2:god is good to me, bro. Um, literally within the first week, god took care of my physical needs. Okay, found me a place to live, and that was with my friend bob. Okay, found me a place literally within the second week. I I was, I was going to church and I'm a I'm a man of faith. So I just, you know, I was going to church trying to do the right thing and met a beautiful woman there and I was just going to church but all of a sudden we started talking, we had a great connection and I started hanging out with her for a couple of months and, yes, we were dating and you dating. It was a different way of dating and I was like, but, but I enjoyed the girl. She was, you know, respectful dating and I really enjoyed time with her. Um, which helped. That was that helped me emotionally to kind of feel. Yeah, it felt great, you know.
Speaker 1:let's be honest.
Speaker 2:It felt good to have that a little bit. That was definitely a little bit of an extra emotional, you know, uh, plus right, um. So literally within two weeks, I had my physical needs being met, my emotional needs were being, you know, soothed a bit. And then, with all the work that I was doing, you know, I was just getting better and better healing every week, and you know that was part of me being able to let my ex-wife you know, my wife go right at the time too. So just being able to say that and be like, hey, I'm willing to move forward if this is what I have to do.
Speaker 2:And within two weeks, man, I really had a lot of good things starting to happen for me. Miracle after miracle happened for me, though, my friend, like, once I decided to make up my mind that I was going to do the right things and put the best foot forward I'm not kidding For month after month, like you know, literally just miracle after miracles really happened for me and ultimately turned this whole thing into something amazing, you know, but that's a great question, and nobody really asked me that one. But that, you know, but that's a great question, and nobody really asked me that one.
Speaker 1:But that's, but that's the truth of what happened. Yeah, that I mean it just be on my mind, man, because, like you know, like when I was younger and I used to hear people say they were separated, I used to always think like, well, what's the rule? You know I'm saying'm saying, like, when we separated, can you guys date Whatever? You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Can you only go to first base, second base, whatever I didn't know what it was you know, and as I got older and I had the experience it myself, I was like, like you said, everyone has needs. You know what I'm saying and it may not just be a physical need. What I'm saying and it may not just be a physical need, it's that emotional need, it's that you want someone there that you can have a conversation with. You want someone there that you can hang out with and go to the movies, and some really you know what I'm saying some really spectacular happens. You can call, and you know what I'm saying. You can just you can talk to, but I realized that as I got older, you know what I'm saying, you can just you can talk to, but I realized that as I got older, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:So, going back to these four styles secure, anxious, attachment, dismissive, avoidant, fearful, avoidant I want to, I want to list some like scenarios and you tell me what you think what, what, what type of style? Okay, we can try. That Sounds like fun. So the first one is a person who feels the need to consistently check their significant other's phone.
Speaker 2:What type of style do you think they have? That could definitely be, you know, fearful avoidant. They tend to have a lot of fear of betrayal, and so a fearful avoidant will tend to, you know, want to check the phone and kind of keep an eye on that person because they're afraid of being betrayed a lot. That's a big core wound for them. It's one of their top ones, right? So that fear of being betrayed keeps them sometimes hypervigilant about not being betrayed to the point where, again, it's unhealthy's unhealthy, right, because checking our spouse's phone is not something we should need to do.
Speaker 2:I, I never checked my wife's phone, you know I I'm a big believer. If I can't trust that person, then I don't want to be around them, you know so. So trust is a big one for me, um, and trust is earned a little bit. Obviously, my wife gives me no real reason to not trust her, um, but yeah, that's the thing is, am I being hyper vigilant because there are reasons for that, or am I just being hyper vigilant for no reason? And that's what we have to kind of figure out sometimes. Yeah, and both sides need to figure that out sometimes, because sometimes we may be maybe doing some things that are misleading to our spouse and maybe we need to be a little bit more conscious and say OK, you know, pretty open, you know, my wife and I leave our phones at all times. You'm, you know, like I'm not. I don't hide my phone, like my girl can pick it up at any time.
Speaker 1:But she knows she can trust me, I can trust her, uh, but yeah, I would say lack of trust is that's a big one for for uh, fearful avoidance, okay, um, what about a person who is very nonchalant and comes off somewhat passive, aggressive?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean that's a tough one. I mean I would say probably maybe a little bit more dismissive. You know where they're just kind of very low key about it. They tend to just, you know, not feel like the relationship is super important. Underneath they do kind of crave that they do want that connection, but a lot of times they will come off a little bit more nonchalant and, you know, more dismissive than saying yeah, I don't, I don't need to be around or we can, we can take a little more time in between dating. They're very slow to kind of like you know, they're happy to just be alone and hyper independent. So sometimes just being able to say like, yeah, you know, it's all good, you know.
Speaker 3:I'm pretty chill, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:You want to get together next week, Fine. If not, no worries, they're happy to be alone.
Speaker 2:So it's like OK, ultimately they're not Ultimately, subconsciously, they want that connection, but they have a hard time connecting to their own emotions, which makes it even harder to connect to other people and they don't trust themselves sometimes doing it and all that. That's where, again, these issues are. But subconsciously they do want the connection. That that's where again, there's these issues are, but subconsciously they they do want the connection. But in that broken state, if you will that, that wounded state, they will tend to tend to kind of like accept, like oh yeah, I don't need to be around, it's pretty chill whatever they come across, pretty relaxed about yeah, okay, um one more.
Speaker 1:Uh feels that is fields that is important to be posted or referenced to on social media uh, that's probably gonna be a little bit more anxious or maybe a little bit more fearful.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I mean if, if, as far as like, if they want to be included when they're like the post is happening or something, is that? I'm assuming that's what it sounds like here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, like they like a person that feel like they want the pictures posted. You know what I'm saying. Kind of like they want the social media stamp.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they like to put it out there and flaunt the relationship a little bit, maybe kind of let people know hey, look, how great we're doing together and all this other stuff, and you know they like the show. That's probably going to be a little bit more anxious side where they just like to again the relationship is the most important thing sometimes in their life and so you know, by putting it out there and showing the world how great everything's going, it makes them feel good, it makes them feel like important and they can feel like they're connected to the whole experience and they're sharing it with other people. So yeah, I'd say that probably leans a little bit more anxious, for sure more anxious.
Speaker 1:For sure, okay, okay, okay. Um, what? How would you describe a healthy relationship?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. Um, man, I think a healthy relationship is one where we're just, uh, number one. We have similar goals and we're we're kind of connecting that level. But I think it's the ability to meet each other's needs, understand what our needs are and then kind of share those, meet those needs for each other, give each other the space we need, communicate when we need to communicate and just really laugh and be able to connect and laugh a lot and work right and work to get laughed at Laughed is a big one.
Speaker 2:Matt, my wife and I, we laugh a lot together, and that's one of the things I think that's so vital for us is we just have a lot of laughs. But all those other things are important too, though being able to communicate, being able to share our needs, being able to meet each other's needs and love each other and be a lot of grace. You've got to have a lot of grace, man. You've got to be able to really just forgive your spouse, because we're so human, we're so imperfect man. We just all have.
Speaker 2:You know, and and we have to be able to as long as again what they're working hard on, that they're trying, they're doing their best and you know they're really going there, then then give them, give them some grace, you know, unless somebody's just flat out being nasty and mean, you know, to that point, then yeah, okay, it's time to back away. But if I'm with somebody who's just trying their best and sometimes they're struggling and, and you know, there's always this thing where it's like people say, well, if they, if they could, they would. Well, it's not always the case. You know, a lot of times we don't know and we and we can't like our subconscious, our subconscious wounds are keeping us from being able to to do the things that sometimes you know, you think we should be able to do. Um, but because we're so wounded, we just sometimes can't show up in the way that we personally like to ourselves, but we just don't know any better.
Speaker 2:So yeah, you got to have a lot of grace. That's a great question.
Speaker 1:I love that question. So, speaking of speaking of being imperfect, I got a question for you. Ok, so let's say, here's a scenario I don't, I don't know a significant other or anything like that, but it's just scenario if your significant other would always be musty, no matter what, no matter how many times they showered, no matter what kind of deodorant they use. It would always be musty. Could you stay with them?
Speaker 2:I don't know. That's a great question. I don I could, man, I'll be honest with you. That's one of those. That's one of those things I think that you know. Obviously, in the dating stage it's easy to say hell, no, like you know. But let's just say, with your spouse you've been in love for 10 years and maybe something's going on with them physically and all of a sudden they are having a, a, an odor, they're musty, right. So then what do you do now, it's one of those yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:It's because it's like you. I mean you because, like you said, like you're not gonna always be perfect. You know, I'm saying like and you have. You have to realize that people have their flaws.
Speaker 2:So it's kind of like the saying take me as I am obviously, yeah, they're doing everything they can and they are showering, they are using, you know, deodorant stuff. There's this physical issue going on there and so we, we're gonna work. I'm gonna probably work through that, you know, at some point, so long as I know that we're trying to make this thing work. That's really not what I want to deal with. But at the end of the day, when you're in love with somebody like that and and you know, hey, put the shoe on the other foot, right. If I was doing it and it was my issue and I didn't, and I didn't know why it was happening, and I didn't know, and I was doing my best to shower and I was doing my best to put good deodorant on and everything else, and it was still no. Now if I was just like careless and just say, well, I don't feel like showering and I don't feel like taking care of myself, that's different. Now we've got a different issue on here. So but yeah, that's a.
Speaker 1:That's a great question. That's a funny one. What, what, what? What are your thoughts on? What do you? What are your thoughts on people in relationships having best friends of the opposite sex?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, that's a tough one, right, so it definitely gets a little challenging. I mean, I have friends of the opposite sex and there's absolutely nothing between us. My wife knows that. I always make sure my wife knows she's number one, and if my wife felt uncomfortable about it, I would absolutely end that relationship with that friend. Yeah, because I truly believe if my spouse is the most important person to me, then then I've got to show her that. Hey, I'm willing to. You know, let a particular person go.
Speaker 2:If, for some reason, her intuition is telling her that she doesn't trust that person, or something like that, then it may be something I have to really think about. Yeah, yeah, hopefully, obviously. I think a lot of my friends are trustworthy and so it hasn't been an issue so much for us. And you know some of the girls that I know I've I've been friends with for 10, 15, 20, 20 plus years, you know. And, um, I'm, like I said, I'm good friends with a next girlfriend of mine, uh, who happened to be a terminal cancer survivor, but so we have a pretty strong bond just because I helped her survive her cancer, if you will.
Speaker 2:So, um, and my wife knows about that, but she knows that there's no, there's no shenanigans there. There's no, I'm not interested in her at all. Uh, that was a relationship that should have ended years before it did. You know, it's kind of thing we've always just been friends for the most part, but we dated a couple years when we really shouldn't have. Uh, that's a tough question.
Speaker 2:I think each one has to be addressed individually. For sure, um, yeah, for sure, and it, and it's a tough one. But I think when you're truly looking at your spouse and if, for some reason, your spouse is uncomfortable, and then we have to listen to that and say, well, you know again how much of it is sometimes their own wounds. So sometimes it is their wound where they're just feeling that lack of trust, and that's something that they have to look at a little bit. But on the flip side of it, sometimes we have to say am I doing little things that may be helping spur that on? Am I doing little things that may be helping spur that on? Am I staying out too late? Am I hanging out with guys who are the type of guys who like to cheat on their spouses and stuff Like okay, I may not?
Speaker 5:be that way.
Speaker 2:But if I'm hanging out with friends like that, then my wife may look at that and go, well, you're hanging out with guys that are like that. So you know, birds of a feather flock together, type of thing, right? So there's a lot to that, man for sure, and that can be hard, because sometimes we have good friends that we, you know, and sometimes they're of the opposite sex, that you know. Yeah, Sometimes the spouse can get a little jealous. So something to think about. I think on both sides, you know, am I being overly? You know, I also feel like for my wife, like I've I've told her hey, listen, I don't mind if you go out for dinner with an old friend. You get a guy that you know like if you go somewhere, but I don't need you going out for drinks with them, like you know what I mean. Like you go out to drinks with me, yeah, you know right, I mean, I don't share that Now, do you?
Speaker 2:want to go out for lunch, you want to. You, fine, that's, friends are friends. But yeah, yeah, exactly what are you doing when you're going? You know, spending time with this, you know this opposite sex friend, that's where it needs to be kind of like, obviously, yeah, there's certain things like unacceptable. I'm the one that's going to spend time, I'm the one you're going to share your intimate thoughts with and feelings, and stuff like that. Right, that's not for that stuff. Right, that's where that's that's crossing a line. If you're just again getting together where it's just casual, and you're talking about friends, family things, you know you've been friends for a long time. How things going, what's going on with your business stuff like, okay, fine, that's great, you know. So, yeah, things like that. I think it's just a tough question. I think it has to be really danced around pretty carefully for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you for answering that too it made me think about the whole concept of boundaries. Yeah, because I feel like it's possible to to have those relationships, but you have to always consider the boundaries because, yeah, your boundaries may not be the same as the other person's boundaries. You get what I'm saying, yeah, so that may cause a problem. I love that.
Speaker 2:No, honestly, I just want to say I love that. You're 100 percent right. Boundaries are the key. And that's how we need to understand what the boundaries are and convey those. We need to be able to communicate those boundaries pretty, you know, pretty openly. And then we also have to be a little bit of balance in there, right. So they can't be non-existent, but they also can't be so extreme that we can't even live up to something like that but find a good balance. But those things boundaries are the key to keeping it all together. For sure, that is really important.
Speaker 1:Okay, what is the most important thing that you've learned from your wife?
Speaker 2:man, I think that we're both each other's mirror, right, and I remember uh, yeah, because you know, one of the things that she said to me was she thought all the problems that were wrong with me were actually and this is what she learned when we were apart was all the things that she thought were wrong with me were actually her own issues and, and probably and probably by right, everything I thought was wrong with her was also a lot of the things that I was internally dealing with, and so if we look at our spouse and we wonder all those things that we don't like about them, chances are those are a lot of things that we're dealing with ourselves internally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hello, oh man, I gotta think about. That must be question. That's the case, yeah, but that's something that I learned tremendously.
Speaker 2:So a lot of times you know the things that were really upset, things that really get us emotional and angry and stuff like that or emotional. A lot of times it's really we're just kind of putting it on the other person, but a lot of times it comes back to ourselves for sure, and that's a tough one to accept. Oh wow, oh man. Well, hopefully you're, hopefully you're not too musty.
Speaker 1:Man, brian, really man. A couple things, man, for one, I'm I'm so glad that that, that we had a chance to connect, um, I, I really do appreciate this conversation with you, man, um, and just you being vulnerable, uh, and and telling your story and, uh, just giving us some advice about dealing with these different relationships, because I think that in this day and age, we're so caught up.
Speaker 1:Hold on one second, I believe that we're so caught up on exterior things and what everybody else thinks that we're not in tune with ourselves and, um, having this conversation with you man really helped me, um, and I really do appreciate the work that you're doing. Uh, let the people know how they can get in contact with you, cause I know you do public speaking, uh, events and everything. So let the people know how to get in contact with you.
Speaker 2:First thing you can do is you can go to my website. It's called makeyourrelationshipfailcom or myrelationshipfailcom and it's really about obviously we don't want to make our relationships fail, but it's really a kind of a play. Sometimes it does take a relationship failure to actually, you know, get us turned around and actually turn that into something great. I always say it's called a breakup, not a breakdown. We're going to level up. If we're breaking up, we're going to use this time to level up, and so we're going to do that. But go to my website, nikiarealationshipfailcom or myrelationshipfailcom. Number one you can take this attachment quiz, all right, so you can learn what your attachment style is and get a pretty good synopsis from that, which is fun to do. That. That's completely free. But I also always challenge everybody to join the personal development school through my website. That is Tyce Gibson's school.
Speaker 2:There is a treasure trove of information in there videos that you can watch at your own leisure, great workbooks that you can do to really begin to heal, learn and understand this stuff.
Speaker 2:They do daily webinars where you can literally get in with a group of people who are working on this stuff themselves people from all over the country, all walks of life. It is such a great community, I love it and that's a great place to start getting some healing and learning and starting to do that. Now, when you do all that, I'm going to give you a free session with me. Happy to hear your story, I want to see if I can point you in the right direction, give you some tips and some ideas and things to work on. If you decide you want consistent help and you want to work with me as your coach, happy to do that on a weekly basis, we can kind of go through some programs and I can point you in the right direction, make sure we're doing the work necessary so we can kind of move that needle a little bit faster. And then, yeah, if you just need somebody who wants to be a, needs a podcast guest or needs a speaker, I'm always happy to do that too, man.
Speaker 1:I problem, no problem. Thank you so much, man. Much, much success to you and your family in the future. Hopefully we'll definitely be in touch. I hope so, man. This was a lot of fun, dude.
Speaker 2:Thanks for the last. I really enjoyed some of those questions tonight. This is a lot of fun, dude. Thanks for the laughs. I really enjoyed some of those questions tonight. This is a lot of fun.
Speaker 1:Thanks for having me alright.
Speaker 1:Brian peace. Yeah, yeah, yo check it out y'all. Um, that was dope, that was super dope. Um, at this point in time, though, y'all know how we get down. Uh, this is the um d DJ spotlight music portion of the show and this week. You know it is one of the mixes from yours truly, dj Monson Stara, and I hope you all dig it. Get into it. Any DJ out there, man, if you want your mix played on the podcast, email djmonsonstoraj at gmailcom and make sure you got your name in the mix somewhere, and yeah, and we'll play it. We'll get it on for you. I'm trying to load it now.
Speaker 3:That is Thank you. You I lied, I said you were the truth, you took it as the truth and now I got you. But I don't want you like that. There only lives one love, and love that you can't compare to, and that's the bare, naked truth. You knew and I knew, but you didn't want to hear what I didn't want to hear, what I didn't want to tell you. Now we've got hard times. Now there's no love at home. When, separate, we feel so alone. But we can't stand to be together to talk about it. We had time to I and C. I thought. Since death bodies Can't be loved, what if we Produced a shorty? Our times would still be visual Within this love, within our love. This can't be love. That's the bear I'm the seed to the O-M-O-N. I sit and think with a drink About how I'm gonna win.
Speaker 4:I'm the seed to the O-M-O-N. I sit and think with a drink about how I'm going to win. I'm the seed to the O-M-M-O-N. I sit and think with a drink. Do you want to be an MC or do you want to serve? Do you want to be dope?
Speaker 6:D-E-J Monsoon Starop, the dopest DJ you've heard thus far.
Speaker 4:I can't get the most out of this game like a reffer, me and Sokich controller, my tester being the bester. Three out of five with Benny body acid NBA live rappers. Take a dive like Greg Louganis with me. I swear to be in Bay Bay's alley and at the click of gators. Not a hater of the players, I'm more like a coach or an owner. I used to love her but now I bone her. At one point in rhyme rhyme I thought I lost my erection, but then I got it back with the resurrection. Blessings upon Ron's old man who called him a traitor. Vidcom Saddam is singing styles. I predict I'm the C to the O-M-M-O-N. I sit and think with a drink about how I'm gonna win and I'm the D to the O, the V to the E, and can't no other brother cook these delicacies?
Speaker 5:Well, I'm the PLU G to the 1. Walk around the planet Earth making money having fun. Walk around the planet Earth making money having fun.
Speaker 6:Walk around the planet Earth. Thank you To this day. I'm wondering why you never chose me. Oh, baby, oh, tonight, baby, baby, please. Soon's the wrong first of his name, dopest, in the game. And I'm playing with my own hands and I'm playing with my own hands and I'm playing with my own hands and I'm playing with my own hands and I'm playing with my own hands and I'm playing with my own hands. Won't you thrill me? Will you thrill me? Thrill me, thrill me tonight. Say hello to me, thrill me, thrill me tonight. Hey, yeah, even if it's for a while, enjoy this good lovin' with a smile. We'll move on tonight, hangin' in on the candlelight. We'll move on tonight, baby, have a little of the candlelight.
Speaker 3:Then you can do me baby tonight. Do me baby tonight. Do me baby tonight, baby, I know, I know, I know what's up. Don't throw me too much, don't? You, don't, you, don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don. Tell me, you are all my world, Every day. You're the main thing In my life. I need your love, only you, my love. Tell me, oh, oh, grill me baby, grill me Baby, baby me To me, to me baby, baby Tonight, tonight, right now, baby, that's what I want to do, baby, I want you to do it tonight. Don't say no, don't say maybe, just say baby. Now We'll be right back, and for how long? Just to build it up. There must be some reason why we'll come back. Love and life, the only thing I've ever done.
Speaker 6:That still feels right Must be said, in ways A stubborn kind of melody. So let me think Just keep on lovin' me, just keep on lovin' me, lovin' me. Go ahead, baby Uncle. Now each of them fuck Black guitar before they mind I'm going for junk. People spread gossip and believe it they must, but I slam, dunk pokes and make them fight the dust. A minute is needed to make a phony roni bleed and put them in a bucket like a chicken feed. Check out the pick up the litter. Not a quid. I'm nice and I'ma dust you off. Dust you off. Trust you and my homies on turrets. A terrible fan Gotta jump the she act. Miracle man, dominant, dominant. I'm dog. Then put your booty in the clink, clink. Hands up to a Marley Marley, make a single love. Let me see your earrings jingle love.
Speaker 3:The jingling baby go ahead baby. The jingling baby go ahead, baby.
Speaker 6:I chopped you, chewed you, baked you and stewed you Then stopped your pop. You need to stop. You kinda rude, you, no good n***a. You trying to face how we living home Get out my face. I'm complete, in effect, and I can't fall. Ride surprise, and I'd ride you all To stand back and peep, don't sleep or doubt my skill. At your end I turn your mother out. I'm top notch. You're playing hot scotch Now. I'm a dude. You're real funny. You really tried to go for yours, but I know why. You ain't handled over for so you're tired and lied to drain my fame. This ain't a game. Yo, you know my name Innovating, devastating. You don't wanna single now Dancing my remix single.
Speaker 3:They're jingling baby, go ahead baby. They're jingling baby, go ahead baby. They're jingling baby, go ahead baby.
Speaker 6:They're jingling, baby. How should I say it? Whoever set you up, they just had to play it Cause man, yeah, I feel for you, brother, I'm a bad. Bad Word to the phone. We are taking out suckers while the ladies pucker Rolling over punks like a redneck trucker Innovating, devastating. They don't want a single. Now Let me see your earrings jiggle, they're jingling baby.
Speaker 3:Go ahead, baby. They're jingling baby. Go ahead, baby. They're jingling baby, they're jingling baby. Break time. Ain't got no riches, ain't got no money that runs long, but I got a heart that's strong and the love that's tall. Ain't got no name, ain't got no fancy education, but I can see right through A powder face on a painted fool. Let me slip through. Why you tryna hold me back? I'm just tryna move up front. Little more of this, little less of that. Can you feel me? Let me come through. I'm tired of being in the back. I'm just tryna move up front. Little more of this, little less of that. Yeah, they tell me I was born to lose, but I made a good, good thing out of bad bad news.
Speaker 5:Come on, we'll be right back. Money I spent, pay me back when you shake it again. The dawn all the time, with all the shine, you small time I ball with mine. Links, minks, bentley, it's all with mine. My jams bump out to the borderline, uk, hot with it, blue spots with it, every continent, love when I spit it. Corners to blocks, even the cops feel it. Brothers on lockdown on their cot, feeling this real in the field. The last Mohican who in the streets and did something decent. Now I got plans to buy the whole hood Legit. Now I ain't got a lot of no judge. I make hits now. Money I flip now. Hood fella, every honey wanna kiss now. I lit up my neck, pinky and wrist now.
Speaker 3:So girls everywhere, this how we get down, uh huh, just to back it up, you can hold my ice. Now, let's say, you owe me something, yeah owe me back like you owe your tax.
Speaker 5:Owe me back like 40 acres to blacks. Pay me back. Will you shake it like that girl? I'm sure I'll let you say what's your price.
Speaker 3:Uh huh, just to back it up, you can hold my ice.
Speaker 5:Now let's say you owe, owe, yeah owe me back like you owe your rent. Owe me back like it's money I lent. Pay me back when you shake it again. We lay the wind girls in the club movin', I get em real hot. My songs should do some high flow. I'm so mysterious Nas and Nasty's the alias, everything platinum I glow. Cadillac trucks pullin' up to the door, top out the car Lounge. At the bar we spend a thou, we're wild. Look how round we are. Feel like a million dollars. Feel me holler To the max with the Benz and chrome wheel and polish Thugs and renters. To the players and ballers Sexy mamas, fly ladies looking proper. Look good enough to be taking shopping Earrings, bracelets. Now you rocking your body so nice that I give you this option. Let you wear my big chain and we get it.
Speaker 3:Poppin' Shawnee, say what's your price Just to back it up. We can hold my ice. Now they're saying it's all or something.
Speaker 5:Yeah owe me back like you owe your tax. Owe me back like 48 gives the blacks. Pay me back. When you shake it like that girl, Shawnee say that's your price back like you.
Speaker 5:Hold your. Print me back like it's. I think you owe me some. You owe me Shackles on your feet. I think you owe me some you owe Timbaland. You owe me some. Lock you down, baby. You know what you owe me. Back like Goldie, it's the same story. Let you hold something. You spinning it right, Know where you gonna be by the end of the night. Make it bound, Shake it, Move it around, Wiggle it a little bit, Throw it to the south Better sizing Me and Sodden you riding. Throw it like a stallion. You wearing my medallion. You're there. Say what's your price.
Speaker 1:Say what's your price? Yo, what up y'all. That was the DJ spotlight tonight, yours truly, dj Monsoon Staran, the dopest DJ you heard thus far.
Speaker 3:God damn All right y'all.
Speaker 1:I want to give a very special shout out to my man, brian Power, for tuning in and checking in with us. He is a certified integrated attachment theory coach. All the information was given out. Y'all need to get in tune with them. Uh, for those of you who are trying to work on your relationship, or better yet, just work on yourself, because, um, that's where it starts you working on yourself, because if you are no good to yourself, how, if you are no good to yourself, how can you be any good to anyone else? You know, um, I do want to leave y'all with this too. Um, I don't know who, neither it is, but it is your business.
Speaker 1:And some things is going on in the world right now and people may feel like, well, that's not my business, that don't things that's going on in the world right now and people may feel like, well, that's not my business, that don't concern me, but it does concern me. I'm not saying that you have to be out on the front line and getting your ass whooped or something like that, but you can do something. We just can't ignore everything, because the same way it's happening to somebody else, it can happen to you. So it is your business. Don't just sit around and allow people to get taken advantage of and make it seem like it's okay. You do have a voice. What's your opinion? Um, like I said, it may not be your thing to go out there and be on the front line and get tear gassed and shit like that, but don't act like it's not happening. Don't do that. Um, I want to give, uh, some some shout outs to my supporters, people that's been rocking with this just podcast for years uh, my man, tron decaders, mark g, uh, the family, jaylen, joey, bryce, um, my brother, my moms, anybody, anybody that's been checking in with this podcast and keeping us going for all these years.
Speaker 1:I definitely appreciate y'all. Check the go Spotify, go to Apple Podcasts, podmatch, whatever and check out the past episodes and let me know what you think, the past episodes and let me know what you think. Also, I want to say make fans, not followers. Followers will get you caught. Fans will get you work. Trust the process, realize that nothing happens overnight, nothing of importance happens overnight, and you have to be patient. You have to be passionate, um, and and have a plan. So, with that being said, y'all can check us out on spotify, apple podcast, uh, pod match, anywhere you get your podcast that you can find, the shits podcast. That's s-h-I-T-T-S Podcast, and the shits stand for some hip individuals thinking, then speaking. We try to stay true to that motto. We try to, and until then, until next time, y'all keep tuning in. I am your host, dj Monsoons, the Raw, the dopest DJ, the dopest host you heard thus far, and I'll holler at y'all Laters.